Starting a Home Yoga Practice

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If you have been to a few yoga classes, and “got the bug”, you might be thinking about starting a home yoga practice.  Even five or ten minutes of yoga each day makes a huge difference to how comfortable and at ease you feel in your body, and will also help you to combat stress and cope with challenging situations with more equanimity.

Sometimes it can be hard to know where to start though.  So many poses – what to practice?  And without a teacher to guide you, you might worry that you aren’t doing it right.

Surya Namaskar (Sun Salutation) is one of the best all round exercises to start with, as it includes forward bends, back bends, inversions and deep breathing  coordinated with the movements.  It is complete practice by itself.  There are many different versions of Surya Namaskar, and you can also add in your own variations to make an interesting flow.

The Sivananda Sun Salutation is:

  • Exhale, hands in prayer position whilst standing
  • Inhale, raise your arms and arch your chest back to the ceiling
  • Exhale, hands to the floor, bending your knees if you need to
  • Inhale, right leg back to a lunge (knee and top of foot on floor)
  • Retain the breath, left foot back to plank
  • Exhale, knees, chest and chin to floor, keeping the hips lifted
  • Inhale, hips to the floor and lift the chest to cobra
  • Exhale, push back with your arms and lift the hips to downward dog
  • Inhale, right foot forwards to the lunge
  • Exhale, left foot forwards to join it in standing forward fold
  • Inhale, rise up, hands to the ceiling and arching back
  • Exhale, return to standing
  • Repeat with the left leg leading in the lunges

You can do this sequence slowly, pausing in each pose to feel your way into it (sway the hips, peddle out the feet in downward dog).  Or you can do it more quickly, with each move corresponding to half a breath.  Try to make the movement and the breath the same length.

If you only have five minutes to practice, four Surya Namaskars followed by a minute lying down in Savasana to relax is perfect.

If you have a little more time, you could try some of the following:

  • There are no twists in Surya Namaskar (Sun Salutation) so you might want to add a simple seated twist or Ardha Matsyendrasana (Lord of the Fishes).

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  • Dolphin pose is great for building the upper body strength needed for more challenging arm balances and Sirsasana (headstand).  It is like Downward Facing Dog, but done on the forearms.  As you exhale, bring your nose to the floor in front of your hands.  As you inhale, move your chin back towards your feet.  If you practice Dolphin every day for a month, you will probably be strong enough to start working in Sirsasana!
  • To feel confident before a challenging situation, try Bhujangasana or Cobra pose, Ustrasana (Camel pose) and perhaps some Virabhadrasana (Warrior) poses.

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  • At the end of a long day, when you feel tired and in need of refreshment, you could try Legs Up the Wall.  This is a lovely way to refresh and re-energise, and you can hold it for as long as you want.
  • Forward folds are also a good way to relax at the end of a long day, but can be challenging if you have tight hamstrings.  Try sitting down, knees bent and close to your chest, with your arms hugging around your thighs.  Then slowly walk your feet further away, until you can no longer keep the stomach in contact with the thighs.  Then breath deeply here, relaxing more with each exhale.
  • Three part breathing can be practised anywhere!  A boring meeting, a supermarket queue, at your desk, supervising children, traffic lights, waiting for a train, almost anywhere.  Remember to breath deeply into your abdomen, chest, then collar bones, and exhale through the same three sections of your body.  You can also extend your breath by counting (for example, counting to four on the in breath and eight on the out breath).

Many people love the sound of chanting at the beginning and end of class, but worry about joining in.  The Sanskrit words are unfamiliar and lots of us are self-conscious about how we might sound.  If you want to become more familiar with the Sivananda chants, you can listen or practice here.

Finally, if you want to practice some meditation, I really recommend a free app called Insight Timer.  You could set up the timer for five or ten minutes, and set an interval bell for every one or two minutes just to remind to stay focused.  There are also lots of guided meditations to explore and some beautiful recordings of chanting, many of which are suitable for joining in with.

There is so much that you could practice, but you don’t need to practice it all!  Choose a practice that suits you and helps you to feel nurtured and restored.  If you enjoy it, you will be more likely to stick to it.  Don’t be too ambitious about how much time you will spend on it, but try to be consistent.  Five minutes a day is much better than one hour every two weeks.

I find it easier not to miss a day when I practice first thing in the morning.  The longer I leave my practice, the most likely it is that life will get in the way and it won’t happen.  But I do feel much less flexible first thing in the morning, so I need a gentler practice.  See which time of day works best for you, and then stick to it.

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Contentment – Santosha

joy womanMany of us think of yoga as a set of physical poses that we hold, to develop strength and flexibility, but in fact asanas (or the physical poses) are just one of the eight limbs of yoga.  The first two limbs are the Yamas and Niyamas, which are basically an ethical code or set of principles for living a yogic life off the mat.

One of my favourite Niyamas is “Santosha”.  Santosha can be translated as contentment, or a sense of peace with one’s self and one’s situation. Patanjali, in the Yoga Sutras, says that cultivating Santosha will lead to personal joy.  Personal joy seems to be something that we all want, but often seems out of reach.  We think that maybe we will be joyful when we build that extension, get that promotion, perfect our headstand or find a lifelong partner, rather than exploring how we can be joyful right now with what we have and all its imperfections.

Yoga provides a set of tools for exploring how to be joyful in the moment.  The asanas provide a laboratory where we can explore our own physical sensations, breathing and habits of mind as we move into unusual or challenging positions.  Meditation gives us the opportunity to notice what happens in our bodies and minds when we sit in stillness.  Both bring us into the present by focusing us on our moment to moment experience.

My experience of yoga is that the longer I practice, the more I feel at ease and at peace in my life, and sometimes I come away from my yoga practice with a joyful smile of my face that lasts all morning, no matter what my chores. It is easier to find contentment in the present moment than when the mind is flitting all over the place.  since it means I have let go of worries about the future or upsetting interpretations of past events.

Santosha relates closely to a practice I have carried out at several points in my life, that of keeping a gratitude diary.  Taking time to appreciate the good things in my life helps me to feel more cheerful and positive.  Practising gratitude actually rewires the brain so that positive thoughts come more easily to us (this is because those brain pathways are already established).  Gratitude becomes a habit.

It is interesting to contrast gratitude with attachment.   The Yoga Sutras invite us to let go of our attachments to things, relationships or goals.  In 1.15, Patanjali seems to be saying that when we can let go of our attachments to things in the material world, and to thoughts and feelings, then we can settle into a state of non-reaction (or maybe that reaching this level of non-reaction will allow us to let go of our attachments).

1.15 “As for non-reaction, one can recognise that it has been fully achieved when no attachment arises in regard to anything at all, whether perceived directly or learned.” (translated by Chip Hartranft)

1.15 “With constant remembrance of the self, Vairagya, all yearnings fade.” (translated by Nischla Joy Devi)

This seems very perceptive and useful to me.  So much suffering in the world is caused by attachments.  Some of those attachments may be to material things – a new car, a bigger house, a higher salary, job security, fashion purchases – whilst others may be to people or relationships.  If I am craving a new dress but I cannot afford it this month, I will suffer because I was attached to the idea of the dress. If I am craving recognition from my friend for the way I have helped her, I will suffer if I do not receive this recognition. Through meditation I may be able to witness these attachments forming in my mind and realise that they are just mental activities that I can observe, so they loosen their grip on me.

But if I feel grateful for the material possessions I have, my family, my friends, my job or my achievements, does that mean I am actually cultivating the very attachments that Patanjali says I should avoid?  This could be the case, but I think it is possible to cultivate gratitude without strengthening attachments.

Gratitude seems to be to be a positive state of appreciation, whereas attachment becomes negative when I fear losing the object of my attachment.  Santosha seems to be about cultivating that positive appreciation for my life whilst not feeding the fear I might have of losing things, whether they are physical possessions, relationships or emotional states.  An example of this is a work project where I find myself enjoying working with my colleagues or getting into a creative flow with the tasks, rather than being solely focused on the end result.

Yoga supports that by helping me to witness my attachments rather than be consumed by them.  Practising on the mat, I might notice and witness my attachment to  perfecting an arm balance, and rather than getting caught up in frustration that I cannot do it, I just witness the story I am telling myself and let it go.

Santosha seems to be a particularly important Niyama, since many of the other Yamas and Niyamas naturally fall out of this state of peaceful contentment.  If I feel contented with my situation and at peace, I am likely to experience Aparigraha (non-grasping, awareness of abundance) since I know I do not need more material possessions, success or affirmation from others to experience contentment.  If I am in a peaceful state of contentment, I am also more likely to experience Ahimsa (non-violence, compassion for all), since I feel a sense of inner and outer peace and I do not need to take anything away from anyone by force.  So, it also relates to Asteya (non-stealing or generosity).

An interesting challenge is to get the right balance between Tapas, or intense practice to ignite the purifying flame, and Santosha, or contentment.  It requires some will to practice every day and to put effort into asana and meditation with a spiritual goal in mind, and yet we also need to cultivate acceptance of where we currently are in our lives and with our practice.  Wisdom comes from knowing where to apply some effort and where to accept things as they are – this is what I am trying to cultivate in my life!  I am disciplined in doing my practice every day, but I accept that the practice is different each day and sometimes it produces more positive emotions or achievements than others.  I seem to be less attached to some of the achievements (difficult asanas, a particular energetic state or a focused stillness) than I used to be.  Ironically, being less attached to achieving a joyful state actually seems to increase the probability of this being the result of my practice!

 

 

Exploring Ambivalence

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Ambivalence is defined as the experience of conflicting emotions.  In some ways, we want to change but in other ways we don’t.  It is a fluctuating level of readiness. Most of us have probably experienced ambivalence about keeping the house clean, losing weight, doing more exercise or some other virtuous activity.

 In some ways, we would like to be healthier and look good in our clothes, but in other ways, we enjoy eating biscuits and cakes and don’t want to give them up.  In some ways, we would like to have a spotless house, but we also prefer to spend our time watching TV, gardening, reading or socialising.  In some ways we would like to quit smoking, but in other ways we enjoy the buzz, the social aspect of it or even the sense of “f**k it” self-destruction we experience.  People often recognise the harm of their behaviour but are nevertheless attached to it.

Trying to persuade or force people to change is often unproductive.  If your partner/parent/friend represents one side of the argument by trying to persuade you to change, then it allows and even encourages you to give voice to the other side.   The more someone else argues, “you should change jobs/leave your partner/give up smoking”, the more you are likely to articulate the other side of the argument with “yes but…”.

Since articulating one side of the argument increases your commitment to it (strengthening the neural pathways that correspond to this view), this will reduce your motivation to change.  The conflict is thus acted out and the argument is counterproductive.

There are pros and cons to each side of the conflict, which create this see-saw effect. As the weight begins to tip one way, you will tend to focus on (and shift weight to) the opposite side. This is known as the ‘decisional balance’.  As long as this see-saw effect continues, you will experience some level of ambivalence, and will not be fully committed to change.

Adding to this issue, we tend to prioritise short-term pleasures over long-term gains.  If a lovely bowl of crisps and a pint of beer is sitting right in front of us, our auto-pilot decision-making will tell us to help ourselves and enjoy the tasty, calorific snack, leaving our logical brain muttering somewhere in the background about hangovers and weight-loss.

So, how do you get out of this seesaw situation and build your own motivation to make a change in your life, maybe a change that scares you or will involve giving up short-term pleasures for a long-term gain?

Firstly, you need to acknowledge to yourself all the reasons why you do want to carry on with the negative behaviour or stay in your current comfort zone.  By fulling articulating all the reasons you like this behaviour to yourself, you can then free yourself up from “yes, but..” thinking.  Once you have named all the reasons not to change, you may find the reasons to make a change popping up quite naturally.  Acknowledge that you have a choice – you can change or not change and it is really up to you.

My old yoga teacher strongly encouraged all his students to do a daily yoga practice.  For a long time, I used to say, “I can’t, my children are too young, I’m not getting enough sleep, they always interrupt or need attention.”  The day that I changed my internal narrative to “I could do a daily yoga practice but I am choosing not to because I am prioritising time with my children and getting a bit more sleep in the mornings,” was the day I stopped arguing with myself and actually started doing the practice.

Once you have got the reasons not to change out of the way and acknowledged that the choice to change is yours to make or not as you see fit, then you can start to think about the benefits of changing.  What do you want to be different in your life?  Where are you heading now and where do you want to be heading?  How are your current actions or behaviour in conflict with your true values?

Whilst external rewards (such as giving yourself a treat when you stick to your plan or getting praise from others) can help to kick start a lifestyle change, the strongest motivation is internal motivation that is driven by your own values and your vision of the person you want to be.  Maybe you don’t want to be the kind of grandparent who can’t get down on the floor to play with the grandchildren.  You might not want to be a bad role model to your children by smoking in front of them.  Maybe you don’t want to be the sort of person who moans about their job but never does anything to change it.  Having a clear vision of how the track you are currently on is in conflict with your cherished values can be the very best motivation to change.

 

What Is Yoga?

imageMy regular readers will know that I have recently started a Yoga Teacher Training course with Universal Yoga.  The course is beautiful and I feel very privileged to have this opportunity.  It is also challenging on many levels – emotional, intellectual and physical.  By the end of the second weekend, my head was spinning from philosophy, teaching techniques and anatomy and physiology, and I had done more asana (physical poses), pranayama (breathing exercises), meditation, mindful walking and chanting in a weekend than I believed could possibly be fitted in!

Our starting point was the seemingly simple question, what is yoga?  We examined dictionary definitions, definitions passed down the ages from the early yoga texts, and more modern descriptions from eminent yoga teachers, before moving onto our own personal definitions.  We all agreed that yoga is more than a set of exercises to do on your yoga mat each week, but what more it is seems personal.  Some of the group are very drawn to chanting and devotional yoga, while others are more drawn to secular mindfulness or strong physical practice.

For me, yoga is a set of tools that I can use to energise myself, maintain equanimity in difficult circumstances, stay healthy and find more joy in everyday life.  When I practice yoga every day, I feel different: lighter, looser, happier, less irritable, more focused and more compassionate.  It is hard to put my finger on exactly what is different, but other people notice it – my professional discussions go better, my family are more relaxed, I have more random conversations with strangers, and I pass less stress onto my team at work.

Many people are drawn to yoga for the physical benefits.  Through practising yoga, I have certainly become both more flexible and stronger.  It helps me cultivate stamina, since a vigorous set of sun salutations is definitely cardio-vascular.  Practising yoga with careful attention makes the poses safe; by learning how to come to my edge, and release with the breath, rather than forcing myself into a pose, I can practice without getting injured.  After a yoga practice or class, I may leave feeling energised and joyful, or calm and restored.

When I first practiced yoga, I thought of it as a mainly physical practice and I enjoyed challenging myself to achieve more difficult asanas.  I had enjoyed gymnastics as a child, even though I was never very good at it, and yoga just seemed like grown up gymnastics.  I got a kick out of being able to stand on my head, get my forehead to my shins and twist myself into the lotus.  Other benefits of yoga quickly started to creep up on me though.

As a university student, I experienced a lot of anxiety, and my Mum gave me her Sivananda yoga book.  I started a daily practice and this helped me to control my anxiety  by focusing on the present moment rather than my large, existential concerns.  Each pose is a moment of stillness and focus, of noticing what is happening in the body and remembering to breath slowly in each different shape.  Yoga means “to yoke” or “union” in Sanskrit, and one way to think of this is the bringing together of attention on breath, mind and body at a particularly moment in time.  I wasn’t aware of the concept of mindfulness at the time, but without anyone ever explaining it to me, the yoga asanas (postures) helped me to be more mindful in the present moment.

Through my twenties and thirties, I had periods of practising and periods of not, but in most of the more challenging periods of my life – relationship breakups, health issues, bereavement, job insecurity, starting a family – I have been drawn back to yoga.  My mat is my sanctuary, a place where I know I can find respite from whatever problems I have.  My pregnancy yoga teacher was particularly keen on teaching us how to breath through physical discomfort, and this is a skill to return to over and over in life.  When I come into the present moment on my mat and focus on my breath, I come back to my true self and find my inner strength.  Yoga reminds me that I am still alive, still breathing and quite safe in the present moment.

In fact, the present moment is not much short of a miracle – the collection of atoms and molecules that make up me will only be together for a very short time in the life of the universe, and here I am, experiencing my own version of consciousness right here today.  One day my atoms will no longer make up me anymore, but will mix up again with the rest of the universe = the period of time that they are configured as me is short indeed.

Yoga asanas are intended to release built-up prana (life force) and to help energy to flow smoothly through the body.  This can be experienced immediately after any asana, when a few moments inward exploration will reveal energy changes – there may be a calm release of tension or an uplifting, even euphoric lift of energy.  By choosing a balanced sequence of asanas, the overall practice leads to a balanced energy.  When I practice yoga in the morning, I feel energised and focused throughout my day.  If I don’t practice for a few days, I feel sluggish, slow and heavy.

Patanjali’s opening sutras can be translated as:

Now, the teachings of yoga.

Yoga is to still the patterning of consciousness.

Then pure awareness can abide in its very nature. (translated by Chip Hartranft)

Yoga is a way of bringing stillness to the mind, so that we can let go of all the conditioning we have experienced, the assumptions we make, the thought patterns we have developed and our habitual ways of telling stories about the world, ourselves and our relationships.  In letting go of all that, we can experience stillness and a sense of unity with the rest of the universe.

Patanjali describes this as the uniting of individual consciousness with the universal consciousness – recognising that they are the same.  Achieving this sounds like a lofty and esoteric ambition, and would probably put off many beginning yoga students who just want to feel healthier and calmer.  A little research into modern neuroscience also calls into question his dualist perspective.  Nevertheless, as we progress in yoga, we may more inclined to wonder what this self or consciousness that we experience really is and to experience it in more subtle ways through meditation.

We are constantly narrating stories about ourselves and world around us to ourselves.  Nowhere is this truer than on the yoga mat, where I may be thinking, “I can’t do this, my arms are too short”, “We’ve been in this pose for ages, has the teacher forgotten us?” “Look at me in this amazing, clever pose”, or “This meditation is so boring, when will the time be up?”  In noticing my own internal monologue, I can start to step back from it and be less enmeshed in my beliefs and assumptions.  I might notice my ego fluffing up, boredom setting in or my resistance to a physical sensation, and in noticing it, that story and the set of emotions that went with it lose their power.  So yoga becomes a way of not just enquiring about my physical abilities and limitations, but also a way of enquiring about my thought processes.

Occasionally in yoga, there are moments of real stillness when the monkey mind ceases it’s chatter and all is quiet.  In these moments, there is an experience of something that sits underneath all our thoughts – the self that witnesses all those mental events but does not become them.  Experiencing this self helps me to realise that I am not my emotions and thoughts – these are just events that happen to me. In this way, I become less attached to the things that I think I need and want.

Seeing all of life as an opportunity to learn more about myself and to loosen the bonds of attachment to the things I want can also help to get through difficult times.  I remember a particular time when a group of us in my workplace had our jobs downgraded.  This was, of course, a huge threat to my sense of self, my status and my position in the organisation. But, by thinking about it as an opportunity to learn about my attachment to these things and practice letting go, I could get through it with a little bit more grace.  I still wouldn’t say it was graceful, but probably a lot more graceful than it could have been.

There is also a moral code in yoga.  The Yamas and Niyamas which Patanjali outlines in the Sutras cover ethical principles that include non-harming, truthfulness and non- stealing.  Most yoga teachers do not discuss these moral principles in general interest classes, but I believe the practice of yoga naturally draws people towards a more thoughtful and compassionate lifestyle.  As my ego has softened, I naturally see myself as part of a large inter-connected universe.  Harm to one part of the universe is harm to the whole, and therefore to myself.

Although I have been vegetarian or longer than I have practised yoga, I find yoga increases my commitment to avoiding harm to animals and the environment.  It seems natural to be concerned about the well being of other people, animals and our planet.  Of course, I am very far from perfect, and I lead a normal Western lifestyle, so I am aware that I do have a negative impact on the planet.  It’s not always easy to make ethical choices (is imported soya in a plastic bag better or worse than free range eggs in a cardboard box?) and the great temptation is to give up on thinking about it altogether (often guilty, sadly).  Awareness is the first step towards taking some steps to minimise harm but this is a tough journey.

Yoga, and the increased self-awareness it brings, also leads to noting the impact of what I eat on my energy levels and general health.  Caffeine tends to give me headaches, so I try to avoid it, and sugar gives me an unbalanced energy that later leaves me with more cravings, so again, I try to minimise it (difficult because I don’t have a lot of willpower when there is a packet of biscuits in front of me).  Yoga helps me to mindfully enjoy food as a daily pleasure, without getting too drawn into either depriving myself or over-indulging.

So, if I had to sum it up, I would say yoga is like a secret super-power that enhances the good days and gets me though the bad days intact.  The teachings are a treasure chest of amazing tools, and we are lucky that there have been so many great teachers who have spread the word.

 

 

 

A Middle Path

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I am packing for the first weekend of my Yoga Teacher Training course! After months of planning the day has finally arrived. I am hoping the next year will bring spiritual enlightenment, an amazing sense of wellbeing, perfect health, great friends, beautifully performed asanas and maybe even the skills to teach. Not much then! I am excited, but now it is upon me, slightly nervous too.

I thought I was completely chilled about the level of asana that we will be doing. After all, good yoga is more about what is going on internally than the final position you achieve, right? My anxiety dream suggests otherwise; in my dream I am curled up on my yoga mat in class while some young and muscular thing performs incredible tumbling routines that have the teachers in raptures. Meanwhile I am still a blob lying on my mat. That was Monday’s dream anyway.

Age new perspectives in yoga.There is no longer any point in chasing difficult asanas; indeed, some poses that I used to be able to do are now frustratingly beyond my reach. In my twenties and thirties, the only yoga injury I sustained was a strained knee while I was pregnant. In my forties, I can pull a muscle in the simplest of poses. My body changes daily; what could do easily yeasterday can be a challenge today, and every pose has to be done with fresh awareness.

I am not really expecting to achieve any asanas that are more “advanced ” than those I can do already. If I learn to do my existing asanas with more insight and technique, that will be fine.

I find myself treading path between two different challenges.  On the one hand, I need to let go of my attachment to being able to do particular physical poses. There is no point in being competitive, even with myself.  Letting my ego drive my practice only leads to injury. Exploring each pose without expectations is a great lesson in non-attachment, but it is not always easy.

On the other hand, I don’t want to sell myself short by allowing self-limiting beliefs guide my practice.  If I am well warmed up I can take on some more challenging poses and I sometimes surprise myself with what I can do – a tricky balance, an inversion or a strenuous flow. Sometimes it is more about my state of mind than my flexibility. The middle path is a constant balancing act, and I fall off my tightrope pretty regularly.

Yet again, yoga provides a lesson that we can take to work as well. Getting very attached to goals, and then driving ourselves hard to achieve them is a sure recipe for stress and eventually health problems, especially if we forget to take care of ourselves. We skimp on sleep, exercise and relaxation, and ignore the warning signs. Being overly focussed on the goal means that we only see what is right in front of us; we miss the valuable information that is on the periphery of our awareness, and we might achieve the goal without ever questioning whether it was still the right goal.

On the other hand, self-limiting beliefs can keep us in our comfort zone. We tell ourselves that we can’t do things because we are too old/too young/not confident enough/not experienced enoug/not talented enough/too tired and we miss the chance to stretch and grow. We stick to the same old dull routine, and we tell ourselves it is all we are capable of.

So, this is the year of the middle path, not getting too attached to my goals, but allowing myself to be challenged and to stretch, and most of all enjoying the journey. I will let you know how it goes.

Are We All Oversharing?

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I was recently sitting with a group of yoga teachers, lovely people who I generally have a lot of time for.  However, on this particular occasion, I had that rather uncomfortable feeling that you get when you really don’t agree with the heated opinions being voiced, but can’t quite find the words to speak up.

The topic of their vitriol?  People who share their emotional angst on Facebook.

“People just share far too much on Facebook.  Really personal stuff about how depressed they feel.  It’s just attention seeking,” one said.

“I barely know this person, and she is sharing posts about how much she misses her dead sister.  I don’t feel comfortable with it,” said another.  “I’ve never met her sister.”

“I know.   And it annoys me when this woman posted about how much she appreciated her wonderful husband on his birthday.  I mean, she could have just told him to his face.  It’s just showing off,” said a third.

Now, I am not a yoga teacher, so I didn’t feel very qualified to comment on whether sharing your thoughts and feelings on Facebook is yogic or not, but I didn’t feel comfortable.

On reflection, surely if we are working towards kindly acceptance of all our emotional states, then being able to name them is important, even when they are grief, loneliness or existential angst.  Appreciation and gratitude are also attitudes worth cultivating. Naming these emotions in public is a strong way of acknowledging them.

Facebook can sometimes feel a bit like Smugbook – all those perfect holiday snaps and nights out – so personally I find it a relief when people allow their less than perfect lives to be seen in public.  It helps me feel that I am not alone with my domestic chaos or my quiet night in.

If a friend of mine shares that they are lonely or grieving, I give them a few moments of kind thoughts and post a message to let them know they are not alone.  I might give them a ring or make a point of chatting to them in the office next time I see them if that seems appropriate.  It can make the connection between us stronger.

I’ve noticed that it tends to be my male friends who are more likely to share feelings on social media.  One friends recently posted that he felt inexplicably lonely, even in a crowd of friends, whilst another posted that he missed his recently deceased father.  Men are often criticised for not being emotionally literate, so surely this sharing is a great step forward in redefining masculinity.

Female friends seem more likely to share the frustrations of parenthood or juggling home and work life.  The laundry that fell in the mud, the child behaving like a brat, the baby that won’t sleep, the babysitter that didn’t turn up or the cake that just didn’t rise. Letting a less than perfect life be seen in public builds intimacy.

A bit of appreciation for the long-suffering husbands/wives and mothers/fathers who support us through this quagmire reminds us all to appreciate those around us.  And doesn’t everyone like to be acknowledged in public for the great things we do?  Even if those great things are not ending world poverty or inventing a solar powered aeroplane, but simply being a supportive partner or parent.

So, now I have finally gathered my thoughts, here are my replies to those yoga teachers.

  1. If you really don’t care that someone is grieving for their sister, there is a simple solution – don’t be friends with them on Facebook.  You are obviously not friends in real life, even if she thinks otherwise.
  2. It’s good to be appreciative of all those who help and support you, and appreciating people in public is a lovely gift.
  3. If you need support, it’s fine to ask for it.  Nothing wrong with that.  Your real friends will be happy to send you kind messages when you need them, and make time for you.
  4. Sharing your real life with its emotional ups and downs helps all of us to know that we are not alone, that no life is as perfect as it may look from the outside.
  5. If you want to share person information about your life, think about who your friends are, and your privacy settings.  Make sure you are sharing with the people who really do care about you.

 

 

 

To count or not to count…

Counting my breaths is a habit that has become ingrained by years of Ashtanga yoga.  Five breaths in this asana, twenty breaths in that asana, oh and a hundred breaths in Tolasana (that was always a challenge); I counted my practice away until it was over.

Plank, Fitness, Muscular, Exercising

And now my yoga has slowed down, but I still count the breaths – ten breaths, twenty breaths, thirty breaths.  I’m still counting!

There are definitely some benefits to counting.  It’s a good way to measure the time in an asana and regulate the practice.  It helps me to ensure I challenge myself sufficiently, without letting myself off the hook as soon as I start to feel any discomfort or impatience.  It helps me practice evenly in the poses I like and the poses I don’t. It does help to focus the mind. Focusing on a count is obviously better than focusing on tonight’s supper or the things I must not forget to do tomorrow!

And yet, the more I practice and count, the more I feel that counting is actually distracting me from being really aware of what is happening in my body.  I am focused on the counting in my head, instead of being fully present to the sensations of my legs, back, arms or even breath. I am slightly disassociated from my body when I count. I am focused on the end goal, rather than the moment, and sometimes my breath speeds up if I am particularly eager to reach that goal.

And yet, when I don’t count, it is a real challenge to judge how long to stay; staying long enough for the asana to be challenging, yet not so long that I lose my sense of ease and balance.  It’s a new skill to notice the beginnings of discomfort, acknowledge them and then decide to continue a little longer before choosing the right moment to complete the asana.

I often get into an internal narrative about how long I have been there, and whether it is long enough, and of course that is even more distracting than counting.  Some days I am impatient and can’t wait to move on, while other days I get so comfy in a pose I could stay there all day, so my practice is less even.  I don’t know whether that matters or not. Maybe I just need to acknowledge that every day is different.

Of course, there is always the kitchen timer option!  A timer can be useful for longer, restorative holds, as it does get rid of that internal narrative about how long I have been there.  With a timer, it is easier to let go of impatience and allow whatever is there to be.  But it also removes the challenge of listening to my body and making the right judgement.

And like so many things in yoga, there is a metaphor for life here too.  How many times do I set myself a target of work to do, and complete it no matter what (even when I am tired, thirsty or need the loo); I ignore the inconvenient messages from my body.  Whether it is completing my blog post before I go bed, tidying one room of the house every day, sorting out my email box before I go home or analysing that spreadsheet before I move onto another task, I set myself goals and focus on completing them, rather than truly listening to my mind and body, and using that to judge how much to do.  I would probably be healthier and more productive if I took that break when my body is sending me thirsty/tired signals, rather than soldiering on to reach the target I have set myself.

So, later today I need to tidy and sort out my younger son’s bedroom (with his help, I hasten to add).  Should I:

  • A) Work for half an hour and then stop, no matter where I have got to
  • B) Do half a bedroom and then stop, no matter how long it takes
  • C) Stop when the time feels right – when I have made some decent progress, but before I feel tired and irritable (even if that is not very long at all!)

Answers on a postcard please….